So naturally, I’m a very accommodating – sometimes OVERLY accommodating – person. I am very easy going … many things don’t really bother me, and even if they do … I often just take the brunt of things. And I thought that by always being the accommodating one, that it would just make things easier for me. But as I get older, I am noticing a distasteful pattern where I consistently put ME on the back burner. I keep putting other people’s feelings before my own. And I am learning that these accommodations don’t actually serve the most important person … ME.

In therapy, I’ve learned that for a long time, it wasn’t that I was unhappy with others, but that I was actually unhappy with MYSELF! I was focusing so much on other people and how THEY would feel. And I wasn’t focused on how things made ME feel. I was literally putting myself last, putting others first, and allowing most people to put – and keep – me last.

I’ve also learned that people will LET YOU over accommodate them; they will LET YOU give your last; they will LET YOU … LET YOU … LET YOU! And really, can you blame them? I mean, your actions clearly benefit them without them having to reciprocate your energy.  So really, you cant be mad at no one but yourself! Can’t nobody love you like YOU love you; and most of all, nobody ever will. Self-love is the best love. Well actually, God most certainly loves you more, but you get my drift. LOL.

Learning boundaries and ENFORCING such boundaries is KEY! We have to find the balance between being nice and being overly accommodating. I think that being nice means being friendly, being open to conversations, and having a willingness to compromise. However, being overly accommodating is not speaking up for yourself and letting others have their way when deep down its not really what you want for the sake of someone else’s benefit. 

TAKE AWAY: We have to learn and ENFORCE boundaries. We have to learn when to speak up and/or walk away when situations aren’t serving us. To be nice rather than accommodating. And most importantly, put ourselves FIRST! Because we deserve to be the main character of our own stories.